Secondary Wounding

Posted on October 23, 2013, in Grief and Trauma

Secondary wounding can be as difficult to recover from as physical wounds. With secondary wounding there is a greater likelihood that your child will also experience a high level of guilt and self-blame. This keeps your child in a victim mentality and makes it harder to become a survivor.

If anyone, including doctors, nurses, police, social workers, clergy, or others, have said any of the following to your child, he or she has been further victimized. This may be hard to believe because these comments have likely come from people you thought would help. Which of the following have been said to your child?

____ You are exaggerating what happened.

____ It couldn’t have happened that way.

____ You really can’t remember that kind of detail.

____ Your imagination is running away with you.

____ He/she would never do that.

____ There are people who have had it harder than you.

____ Consider yourself lucky.

____ You’re still young, you'll get over it.

____ You’re overreacting. You need to put this in perspective.

____ What happened, happened. You don’t need to be upset.

____ Well maybe if you hadn’t...

____ Well maybe if you had...

____ If only you...

____ You should have never...

____ That wasn’t very smart of you.

____ How many times have you been told...

____ It wouldn’t have happened if you...

____ You must have wanted it to have happened.

____ You must have been looking for trouble.

____ You need to be more careful.

____ Other comments...


If any one of these statements have been made to your child, he or she has been wounded.Your child may need help with this.

Contact TLC if needed.

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